He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
