and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
