Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
