Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away

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(605): View more from South Dakota

I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.

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(419): View more from Ohio

My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.

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(530): View more from California

I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed

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(217): View more from Illinois

i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride

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(801): View more from Utah

I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.

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(416): View more from Toronto

you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.

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