I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
