Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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