He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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