I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I am puke
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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