Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
