these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
