ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
