how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
