I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize