Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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