My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
