How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
