He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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