my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
