You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
