is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
