i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
the condom got lost in my hair
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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