OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
