the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
