I cockslap morals
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
