I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
