We won't sleep together?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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