Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
