my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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