tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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