i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
