please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
