This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
