I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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