at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
