How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
