I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
