I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Randomize
