Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
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I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
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I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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