i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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