Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
