The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Do you remember whose house we're in?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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