did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
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I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
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Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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