you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
