you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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