Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
