how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Why can't burritos get me drunk
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
