My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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