There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
