New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
you made out with another girl for some wings
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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