Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
