I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
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