Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Dick very happy bro
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