Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
