Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
