Sacagawea was the original milf.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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