I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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