So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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