I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
