By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
