Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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