So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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