i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
