3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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