I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
