you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
