My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
