i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
