Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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